Life in hell
by TheDrunkenWerewolf
Summary: Snapshots of Gin's life after leaving the soul society for Huecco Mundo. And for a life of torture and abuse at the hands of Aizen. Companion piece/continuation to 'Manipulating the mentalist' Warnings – some swearing, physical and mental abuse therein
1. Chapter 1

(I do not own bleach and anyone saying otherwise is a liar and wants me to get in trouble)

Anyway~

These are insights into Gin's life after his defection according to my three interlocking abuse fics. Which, as I have been told, by many people, they are worth a read. *shrugs* I'm just gonna have to take their word for it on that though.

However, until all three abuse fics 'My imitated smile', 'Abusive compulsive', and 'Manipulating the mentalist' are all fully completed, these will remain oneshots.

This fic has no constructed plot and will just be a loose collection of stories of Gin's life in hell. Aka – Las Noches. In the abusi-verse I have previously created. They may not end up being very long, but they will not be pretty, and are definitely not for the faint hearted.

That said, ignore my rantings and just take these insights as they come. Ideas are welcome and much appreciated. I'm trying to limit myself to 800 words max for each of these - about the length of an average scene for me. So um... just enjoy.

* * *

**Snapshot 1: Eat**

Gin walked into the kitchen slowly, having been summoned there. He didn't really want to go, but still, he went. Albeit very reluctantly, but still he went. There was nobody else around, so it was quiet. Too quiet even.

He walked into the large, blindingly white room filled once again with the feeling of dread building up in him and clawing at his insides. He did not know what was going to happen next, because Aizen's behaviour was so unpredictable. Much like it always had been. But this time he wasn't being summoned for sex or a beating, and Gin was unable to determine whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. Because if it was sex at least he knew what was coming, right now he had no clue whatsoever.

Because he never could read Aizen, ever.

The personality change in Aizen never could be foretold. When he would become violent and sadistic was always a mystery to him. And it frightened him. And there were _very _few things in this world and the next that scared Ichimaru Gin.

"Good, you're here. Sit down."

Aizen was there, having already set the table. Were they going to eat together? Was that what he had in mind?

No, wait, the table was only set for one. What was going on here?

"Take a seat Gin."

Aizen's cold voice echoed into the large, empty room. He was facing away from him and standing over the stove, stirring something. Gin took slow, unsteady steps towards the chair nearest to him and pulled it out from the table, dragging it across the floor. Slowly. Then moving to stand in front of the chair.

Aizen left the pot he was cooking on the stove and slowly walked over towards Gin. Gin swallowed, fearing the worst. Mentally preparing himself for a beating or being made to eat some form of insect or disgusting and vile food. He trembled slightly, feeling Aizen's hands place themselves firmly onto his shoulders and gently pressing downwards and guiding him so that he was sitting on the chair. Gin didn't make a single sound, only watching as Aizen then went back over to the stove and returned to him carrying a hot saucepan filled with only god knows what, and a large serving spoon. Gin took a deep breath, expecting to see some form of insect or even raw meat placed before him. Something, anything vile enough to make him physically sick. But when Gin saw nothing of the sort placed before him, he was a little confused.

Rice. What he saw was rice. Plain, boiled rice. Bland. Unflavoured.

He sat there looking at it until Aizen returned to sit opposite him at the small table, having placed the pan and the spoon on the far work surface, if not back on the stove. Sitting there looking at him seriously.

"Eat."

Gin looked at the food that had been placed before him. His mouth not even salivating at the thought of devouring it. For really, he had been starving himself for days now, if not weeks.

"I don't want to."

Aizen sighed, somewhat frustrated at this point. His voice becoming more demanding now.

"Eat, or I will force you to eat."

Gin's eyes went to the fork beside his plate and then back to the food. Reluctantly picking it up as Aizen sat there and watched him. Because if Aizen ordered him to eat, then he had to eat. Aizen observed as Gin slowly scooped up the rice on his fork and raise it to his mouth with his ever trembling hand. His eyes betraying nothing of the concern that he was feeling. He watched as Gin slowly ate the entire plateful of the food he had been given and then place the fork back down onto the plate. He watched as his subordinate ingested every single grain of the rice that he had prepared for him, and then looked at Gin again, this time making eye contact for the first time since he had entered the kitchen.

"Can I go now?" Gin asked, spitefully, as if he had been asked to do something that he despised.

"Yes." Aizen replied, his tone softening again, and becoming wearier. "You may go now."

And with that Gin got up and left. Exiting a substantial amount faster than he had come in and just as quietly, he closed the door behind him, leaving Aizen alone again with nothing but his thoughts for company.

* * *

Wow, its not mature, but it's a good insight into life for Gin after MTM.

Aizen in this one, I feel torn between which side of him we are seeing. Is this the Bastard Aizen just keeping him alive for the sake of having him alive as a toy? Or is this the Good Aizen (Sousuke) that's fighting against his inner bastard?

I shall let you decide. Though I suspect the latter.


	2. Chapter 2

Aizen swears a lot in this one. Playing around with language in my writing. He likes the F word...

* * *

**Snapshot 2: Obey  
**

Aizen was rubbing his fingers around in circles on one of his temples as he sat lazily on his big white chair, looking rather ominous to the world.

"So," he concluded, having already divulged some piece of information or another, and already having appointed a task to his present company. "Do you understand what you are to do, Gin?"

"Yes Aizen-sama." Was the reply. The monotonous and reluctant reply. It was clear enough what he was assigned to do, but the fact of whether he wanted to carry it out or not was another story entirely. However, that is another matter to be explored later on.

Now, Aizen has gone through step by step the instructions that he has set out, but they require a certain disregard for ethics and morals – traits that are still known to exist, somewhere, within the very psychologically damaged Ichimaru Gin. So, naturally, Gin disagrees with this plan. But still he knows the consequences of not following them all too well. So willingly, he complies.

"Gin?"

"Yes, Aizen-sama, I understand what I gotta do."

So maybe it was a slip of his tongue. Maybe this time he had just had enough. Maybe he was so beaten down and bruised that he just didn't care anymore. But somehow he accidentally voiced his thoughts out loud, and he was heard.

"Not like I wanna do it though."

Aizen stopped, suddenly. His head was tilted slightly so that he was looking down, but his eyes were glaring right up at Gin, his eyebrows furrowed.

His eyes seemed to glaze over as Gin realised the impact of those words he'd let slip from his mouth unintentionally. Accidentally. He had let his guard down, and he knew that now he would pay for it dearly.

His eyes widened in horror as he watched Aizen rise from the chair in which he was sitting and pace over towards him, Gin trembling and backing away with every step Aizen took, the fear within him multiplying a million times over.

"Gin."

"No, no! No I didn't mean it!"

Smack.

A hand went right across Gin's face, marking it a deep red. No doubt that would be another bruise in the morning.

"You will do as I _fucking _tell you to do."

His voice was calm, as was his breathing. Gin's breath trembled with his body and he was fighting so hard not to break down and cry in front of him. He closed his eyes and kept his head facing away. His second mistake.

"Look at me."

Silence. Three more slow seconds passed before he snapped and hit Gin again. Watching him tremble before him.

"I told you to fucking look at me!"

Gin winced and fingers harshly yanked his hair upwards painfully, warm fingers entangled in his hair and lifting him so that he was practically leaning on Aizen's chest. Their faces so close that they were almost touching each other.

"You will do… what I tell you to do. Is that clear?"

Gin nodded, his entire body trembling, every muscle shaking in him, he even felt like his bones were chilling and trembling with the fear. Having no choice but to look Aizen right in the eyes; having no choice than to look into his hollow, empty, and uncaring eyes.

"Very well then."

Aizen then let him drop and hit the floor in the most awkward manner. Staring down at him with sheer contempt before stepping around him and walking out towards the door, leaving him to lie there shaking, allowing him to think about the recent consequences of his actions. And the cost of making mistakes.

"_Don't _disobey me again."

* * *

Is this bone chilling enough yet? because I don't think so. In my opinion, I can do better, but these oneshots are just for fun.

Do ya like what I'm doing with the titles to these? I'm making them Gin's commandments from Aizen. Kinda fits really. Well, to me it does anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

this one references chapter 16 of MTM and a much later scene in abusive compulsive – aka, the other 'tales of the manipulated' fics. Also there are very strong references to self harming in this one.

oh, and the italics are flashbacks.

* * *

**Snapshot 3: Live  
**A/N – title is 'live', as in "go and live your life"

Aizen looked down at him, taking a detailed look at the sleeping form. The machine steadily and regularly beeping again. Good, he was stable. Well, physically anyway, mentally however was another story entirely.

He let out one deep, long, anxious sigh. It was never supposed to have been like this. He wasn't supposed to be attached to various tubes again, and have wires protruding from the backs of his hands. He wasn't meant to be hospitalised like this.

"This is the second time you've tried, Gin."

He watched Gin twitch slightly, his fingers making one sudden yet small movement as he slept, remembering the previous events.

_Exposing his wrists through his white sleeves, removing the loose tile from the wall behind the sink, near to the bath. Scrambling on the floor and the broken mirror pieces hidden there. Breathing heavily through half choked sobs as he held the broken mirror over his arm._

Aizen covered his face with his hand, swallowing everything emotional back down to the pit of his stomach again. Because nobody was allowed to see that side of him. Not here. If he broke down now, his position would be in jeopardy. He breathed out, shakily. God, he never wanted to be sitting here again. Not for the second time. He thought all of this was over, but obviously not. But waking up remembering nothing, he just couldn't tell what had happened. Or what had been happening.

_It cut into his fingers as he held it, his grip getting tighter and tighter around its sharp edges, blood trickling onto it and staining it. Hot tears stinging his face as they began to fall. All of this, nothing, feeling worthless and hurt. Meant nothing to him. _

_Living was simply just not worth the pain. _

He never imagined that he would be reliving that time again. As he looked down at Gin lying in the bed opposite the chair he was sitting in. The oxygen mask on his face, the steady beeping of the heart monitor, the tubes and wires attached to him, the IV tubes providing his body with fluids. Just looking at him took him back in time. Made him remember.

"Is it really that horrible living with me?" he asked, getting no response, just as he heard the door opening. And the footsteps of the eighth espada as he walked in.

"Aizen-sama." He nodded respectfully, athough more out of fear than respect.

"He should be stable now; you can go if you want."

"No, I want to stay."

Szayel walked towards him, each footstep echoing around the room. Aizen didn't move.

"You've been here all night Aizen-sama. You should really get some sleep. I can take it from here."

_He plunged the jagged edge into the exposed skin, into the veins and arteries located on his wrists. First one arm, then the other. Changing hands only when he felt enough blood had been extracted from that wrist. Sinking the makeshift blade into his flesh, crying and wanting to die. More hot fresh tears pouring out of him as he stabbed and slashed with his heart thudding away in his chest. Slowly draining of the energy to hurt any more. _

Aizen just looked blankly at him. "How could this have happened?"

"If you had waited another five minutes he would have died from blood loss. He was lucky you were there."

Aizen's eyes turned to him, and then back to Gin again. The heart rate monitor still beeping evenly. Its noise droning out into the silence.

"He was lucky the last time too."

_He was getting dizzy now. But his heart still beat onwards. Still pulsing life around him. The blood leaking out of his self inflicted wounds and staining everything. The floor, his clothes, his skin. He couldn't stand any more. He leaned his hand against the wall to try and support himself before he collapsed slowly onto the floor. One red bloody handprint left there on the white wall where his hand had once been. _

_And in the pool of blood beneath him he curled up on the floor, watching the blood continue to leave his veins, half laughing and half crying now. With nothing left to do now but to wait for death to claim him._

Aizen listened to the beeping, suddenly feeling so tired and alone. His own hand finding Gin's limp and seemingly lifeless one. His thumb gently stroking the very pale skin on the back of Gin's hand.

"You have to live Gin. Don't forget that I need you."

Szayel made no comments as Aizen got up from his chair, and walked past him towards the door.

He then turned to Szayel as he walked out of the room, lingering in the doorway, glancing back at him before exiting, remaining silent.

* * *

This is the first time I had to edit for word count… I went over 800.

Hmm, more Aizen centric this one. But Gin's not conscious. I tried to jump scenes between the previous scene and the current scene and mash them both together with some effect. New thing I decided to try out. This is more an insight into AC than MTM, even though both are very strongly referenced. So if you haven't read them it might not make much sense on its own.


	4. Chapter 4

this one references the MTM epilogue. But hopefully should still make sense. I cried writing it though, its not a happy epilogue. I can link you to it if you want to read it though.

* * *

**Snapshot 4: Allow**

"No…" Gin whimpered, clutching his arm close to him as he cowered against the wall on the floor. Sitting with his knees brought up to his chest. Trying to cover all he could of his arms and body with the clothes he was wearing, watching him get nearer and nearer.

"No, no please…"

"Ichimaru, this is for your own good."

Gin's voice shook and his body trembled as he cradled his arm, the arm intended to be injected into by the one standing over him.

"No Ulquiorra… pl- please don't… do this…"

The espada held the needle in his hand, his expression pained at seeing Gin in the state he was in now. He really did not want to have to be the one to do this to him, not after all that he had already suffered.

"Aizen-sama said that you have not been eating." He stated, in his usual monotoned voice. Not wanting to betray any signs of weakness while Gin sobbed and shook as he sat against the white wall, his eyes starting to well up as he took in the full vivid image of the needle in Ulquiorra's hand. The needle intended for his veins. He did not like what was going to happen, for he knew it would be painful, and his life long phobia of needles was not helping him in the slightest.

"I hate needles." Gin said, now crying and breaking down properly. Looking up at Ulquiorra pleadingly.

"I have to. You are suffering from undernutrition, and Aizen-sama ordered me to feed you intravenously."

He watched as the water fell from Gin's bloodshot red eyes. Empty eyes. The eyes of a man that has lost all will to live. But Gin still does not want to feel any pain. He does not like pain. Tears cascade down his pale cheeks even at the thought of more pain coming his way.

This is a man that wants to die.

"Please, give me your arm Gin."

Gin just stared at him, silently refusing to hand over his body only to be subjected to more pain. Even though his body was rejecting all forms of food he ingested, he would rather die than be fed through a needle. Because from his previous experiences, needles hurt. They fucking hurt bad.

"No…"

"Please."

"I don't want it." Gin snarled back at him. In truth he was absolutely terrified. "I jus' don't wanna be hurt again…"

A short moment of silence came. And for that moment, not a sound could be heard. It just went deathly quiet in that room of Las Noches as Gin looked up into Ulquiorra's eyes, Ulquiorra now on the floor on his knees beside Gin. The cuts and bruises on him evidence of their earlier struggle when Gin had screamed and fought him off in attempts to escape from the needle.

"I am not going to lie to you Ichimaru-sama… it will hurt. But it is for your own good. Your body is not getting enough energy… and Aizen-sama is worried about you."

"He's a bastard!" he spat back, "You're a bastard! Just leave me alone!"

"You know I cannot do that."

Gin whimpered again as Ulquiorra took a hold of his wrist and Gin tried to pull back, screaming and crying in protest, trying to grapple the espada off him. Slapping him clean across the face.

"Don't touch me!"

His chest heaved as Ulquiorra's green eyes bored into him, calm, unexacting. Stoically watching as more tears poured uncontrollably from his eyes. Tears of fear, tears of panic and hurt. Tears of sheer desperation.

"Don't… touch me."

Another moment of silence came and went. And Ulquiorra decided to try one last time to reach him.

"Gin, if not for yourself, then for me. Please."

He stared up at him uncertain as to whether he was being honest or not. Because his sense of trust has, unsurprisingly, been shattered. He does not know how to trust people any more. He does not know how to, when the people he trusted betrayed him and caused him nothing but hurt.

"But I want to die…"

"You need to live Ichimaru-sama."

"Why?"

"Because you do."

Gin breathed quietly, wary of the espada now. Half expecting him to turn nasty and violent… but he didn't. He just looked right back at him, with a gaunt expression on his face.

"Do you want him to hurt us?"

Gin wasn't sure if he heard him properly, or if what he said was even true, but something hit home. Something made him allow himself to be injected. Slowly reaching out with his arm to him.

"Don't make me hurt…"

Ulquiorra uncovered Gin's arm and felt with his fingertips to find a vein. Gin crying out quietly as the needle entered his arm, painfully.

* * *

Note the one word, that one word right there – 'us.' Now _that_, ladies and gentlemen, is subtlety.

Okay, I really need to toughen up now, AC is much worse than this, and I cannot afford many more tissues. To be fair though, it was only because it was referenced in the epilogue. I could expand and write so much more from before and after this scene, but this is an example of just how cruel Aizen can be. That's all it is – just an example. One of many.

Oh and undernutrition is a type of malnutrition folks, yeah, Gin's basically starving himself. And he's getting more and more schizophrenic and jumpy now. these oneshots aren't in any order by the way guys. And Ulquiorra is giving Gin parenteral nutrition.


	5. Chapter 5

**Snapshot 5: Cry**

If there was anything that Aizen liked the most, it was to hear Ichimaru Gin scream. The screams of pain being the most favourite type of noise to draw from him, either through beatings or violating him. Without any preparation of course, because he simply had no time for that. Either that or he simply chose not to. It would probably be safe to assume the latter.

The bloodcurdling screams that echoed through the vast, white, empty halls and corridors of Las Noches were nothing new. Nothing abnormal. Nobody ever said anything about them, because they feared the inflictor of the pain that caused the screaming, the howling late at night.

And it was always late at night. It never occurred during the day. Only when the sun had set could the screaming be heard.

This night would be no different. The pain Gin felt would be the same, even though the degrees of it would vary slightly from day to day. But only slightly. It really depended on Aizen's mood the amount of pain he would feel, and if there were any instruments involved. Hopefully today would be a day without the involvement of instruments.

Gin was sitting alone in his room, waiting for the darkness to come, only able to dread it. Long gone were the days where he would relish the darkness and gaze up at the full moon when it looked its prettiest. As were the days when he believed that love existed.

_"This aint no life. This aint no way a livin'." _He sighed, looking out of the window and leaning against the wall.

_"What've I got 'ere? What've I got left to feel? Apart from pain, I cant feel nothin'."_

He looked out of the window, watching the sky slowly darken and the moon come out. Funny, he used to love the moon. He used to love his body too, he used to take good care of himself, but that changed_._

_"I can't break free from the pain, these chains of never ending agony." _

He was tired, but he could not sleep. He wanted so much to just be able to sleep. But fear and dread wouldn't allow him to. His body was starting to grow cold, but he didn't really care. He was always cold, so it didn't really matter. He was always cold and empty and unloved. Maybe if things had been different, maybe he would have been loved. Maybe he could have even learned to love.

Because that was all he had ever really wanted.

His heart hurt. Gin hated the fact that he could still feel, that he still had emotions. Physical pain to him was nothing; it was just the emotional pain that hurt the most. The being betrayed over and over again by somebody that you only wanted to love you – that was what hurt. Sure, the physical pain was still pain, but physical pain faded away. Physical pain of the body went away.

The heartache never did.

That stayed. That was permanent.

He just couldn't take it any more. He didn't want to be hurting like this. His body trembled as he lost the fight to keep it all buried inside. Choking on sobs as the water started welling up in his eyes. Finally breaking down and letting tears fall. He whimpered quietly, able to physically feel his heart breaking apart into pieces. His lips trembled as he cried, not once moving from his spot looking out of the large window, unable to draw his gaze away from the full moon that once upon a time he would have found so beautiful.

"Why won't you love me? Wh- why do you always do nothing but hurt me?"

There was an answer to this question, but none that he could fathom. There would just never be an answer for him, because he knows that he is the only one to suffer this torment, this agony. Because he feels just that sad and alone in this world.

He would never let anybody see him cry, because that was a sign of weakness, but oh how he did cry. And until the day came when he couldn't feel, when he had no emotions, and when he couldn't feel pain, he would cry. He cried until he could no longer breathe, and until all of the tears were gone from him. Because it was the only thing he could do. He just wasn't angry any more; his anger had been killed, only to be replaced by hurt. And because anger did nothing for him; he could be angry all he wanted but it wouldn't stop it hurting.

He took a deep breath, and eventually fell asleep there by the window, leaning against the wall, with tears still staining his pale face.


	6. Chapter 6

Just accept it: I fail at updating regularly. Really badly. Gomen ne, I get distracted so easily...

I hope I'm not too rusty at this now. s'been a while.

* * *

**Snapshot 6: Pleasure**

"Aizen-sama?"

The door opened slowly, and Gin wandered into the room nervously, wondering what Aizen would be like this time. Especially so since being beaten black and blue from the last time they were together in the same room. Aizen was so unpredictable now and Gin had to be very careful not to say anything that would provoke him. Because Gin knew from experience that the pain he endured would be a whole lot worse if Aizen was angry with him.

He looked around quickly, the room was dimply lit, and Aizen was lounging on one of the overly large chairs with a drink in his hand wearing nothing but a white hakama. Gin's heart started thumping.

Oh god, he was drinking. This meant he was even more unpredictable - anything could happen tonight.

Gins heart lurched in his chest, in nothing but one quick sickening motion. He wanted nothing more than to be away from him and this godforsaken white building. He wanted to be elsewhere, back in the soul society, or even six feet under. He wanted to be anywhere as long as it was away from that evil man. The bastard he was forced to call master.

"Come here, Gin."

Aizen beckoned him over, his voice soft and calm, but Gin knew what lay underneath that mask of serenity. What pure evil he intended. He should know; he lived with it every day. He experienced it first hand while being beaten black and blue. Gin had to fight the urge to run back out that door and step towards him, having to fight every instinct in his body to go and stand in front of him. But he did it; he stepped closer, although he wasn't able to look him in the face.

"What do you want, Aizen-sama?"

The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Aizen just looked up at Gin, a strangely relaxed expression on his face. He didn't look angry at all.

"I want _you_."

Gin didn't move. He didn't even flinch. He somehow knew this was coming, and he knew he'd be taken whatever he did, so he didn't bother to argue. He watched as Aizen set his drink down on the arm of the chair and pause, smiling as he spoke.

"Take off your clothes for me."

Gin complied, quietly removing his clothes and letting them fall onto the floor in a heap and stepping out of them. Allowing Aizen to get a good look at his naked body before slowly moving closer to him without a word of protest - this wasn't the first time so all sense of embarrassment had died long ago, along with his innocence and ability to understand what making love was.

"Where?" Gin asked, merely going through the motions, feeling physically sick with fear. Would he be gentle this time? Gin doubted it.

"On me."

Gin obeyed and climbed into his position straddling him, the large chair allowing the space for his legs either side. His skin crawling every second he touched him, his stomach twisting as he looked into Aizen's eyes. Expecting it to feel vile.

Aizen took a hold of his hips and Gin relaxed, holding onto Aizen's shoulders for balance. Knowing what came next would feel absolutely disgusting and painful. But even more so because this was something he did not want, something he was being forced into.

He shut his eyes and heard Aizen take a deep breath, shifting his hips before forcefully entering Gin's body, making him cry out with the pain that went wracking through him. There was nothing but pain and revulsion with the feeling of Aizen being in him, being used as a toy for his pleasure – it felt disgusting and horrible and vile and made him sick with shame as Aizen thrust into him harder. And even though he wasn't being violent, Gin still shivered with the fear just waiting for it to be over.

He hated those hands on him, roaming his back and his hips and whatever other part of his body they cared to touch. Gin hated the faint smell of alcohol on his breath. He hated the way he was being used like this and made to feel like a prostitute selling his body. He hated the way Aizen had him like this on a regular basis and how much he despised it. He hated how unloving the sex was.

"Ah... Fuck!"

Gin shifted his hips forward and Aizen grunted, finally emptying out into him, somehow knocking the glass of alcohol with his elbow so it fell onto the floor and smashed into pieces. The whisky within it pooling onto the white floor and staining it; the noise of the glass breaking falling on deaf ears. Aizen cursing and throwing his head back with Gin shuddering and whimpering as Aizen removed himself from him. Leaving Gin to feel filthy and exhausted.

He was unable to even move his limbs, lying there with his body up against Aizen's simply because he had no energy to move. His breathing along with Aizen's laboured and heavy as he lay there, feeling sick and abused until the morning came and he was free to go.

* * *

ironic title is ironic. (sorry I just had to say it)

It didn't come out how I planned it to. I ran with a lot with the mood here so that decided a lot of things. But I like it. Still feel a bit rusty though.

the temptation when Aizen said "I want you." to completely change it to a lovemaking scene was just so unreal. Am I going soft I wonder? Hmm lets hope not.


End file.
